Something human

My circuits have blown
I know it's self-imposed
And all I have shared, and all I have loved
Is all I'll ever own
But something has changed
I feel so alive
My life just blew up, I'd give it all up
I'll depressurize

Oh, oh, oh, ten thousand miles left on the road
Oh, oh, oh, five hundred hours 'til I am home

I need something human, human
Human, human

~Something Human, Muse~

Life feels so different lately.

I feel like a big part of me has awoken. For the first time in a very long time, I’m starting to feel like I’m a part of this world again, but on my own terms.

Finally, it’s on my own terms.

It takes a lot of perseverance to set your own boundaries and then make sure that people don’t step over them. It takes a lot of courage to advocate for yourself, and even more to advocate for your feelings.

When people are shitty, I don’t have to stick around. When people’s request don’t fit into my day, I don’t have to honor them (unless it’s at work of course :P ) When something happens, I get to decide how to feel about it, and I don’t need to explain or apologize or that.

I finally feel like I’m exactly where I need to be.

And it feels … great. I feel like a human again.

I’m laughing, and smiling, and making memories with other amazing people. I’m working hard and pouring my soul into my work, and it feels so rewarding. I’m training my ass off and I’m the strongest I have ever physically been. I love my fitness classes and have spent time talking to the people who come to my class and learning about them — that connection piece that I always struggled with. (It’s still hard, but I’m trying my best!)

Something human.

Some days are still hard. But patience, grace and forgiveness go a long way. I’ve always given other people compassion but never spared much for myself. It feels different now — I give myself compassion more so than everybody else. Maybe that’s the way it always should have been.

And honestly, pulling the plug on relationships that did nothing but hurt me or hold me back has been incredibly liberating, too.

Something human.

Maybe a short update, but it’s a good update. I’ve been busy. riding my bike and running I’ll try to check in as much as I can.

<3