Back at it
Feels so good to be back!
I’m back on the bike and already nearly a full month into my new training regimen.
More hours on the bike and no running feels SO good.
I can already notice some strength gains, too. Bench press feels less wobbly. I can do more pushups. Plank rows feel solid. I can see my abs once again! Core is solid and strong. My FTP isn’t the highest it’s ever been, but I’ve never felt this good.
I’m learning from my mistakes this time around.
No more IRONMAN means I’m not stressing myself out running. I am adding strength work into my routine, but it’s natural for me as I’ve already had a lot of training in that area. I’m not reinventing the wheel. Just doing about 7 strength moves 2x a week, plus one 30 minute core blast.
My biggest gains though are through my diet.
I’m getting better at cooking and fueling myself. I used to just do everything with as few calories as I could, and I’ve learned that is a really good way to stay stuck in the same place forever. You gotta fuel! And you gotta fuel well, and eat well.
One of the latest TrainerRoad podcasts talks about strength training, but this one phrase stood out to me: You can’t eat your way out of fatigue. (It’s not a direct quote.)
I did this all through my IRONMAN training. I burnt myself out time and time again. During recovery weeks I’d pick up the slack with my bike and go balls to the wall because I missed it and it’s something I love to do. I figured I’d just eat more and eat more and eat more — well I ended up gaining 5 pounds, which in part had to do with some medicine I was taking, and in other part had to do with all the stress I was putting myself through and then justifying all the extra calories because of it.
I am back down to a good place. Over the last couple of months, I’ve dialed it in. I feel so much better. No more snacking on junk foods. I replaced that with what I like to call my smoothie sorbet — frozen fruit smoothie mix + extra raspberries, soy milk, protein powder and super greens powder all blended up into an ice cream-like consistency so you can eat it with a spoon. HITS THE SPOT!
Shooting for lower-fat foods keeps me from indulging in crap like potato chips and chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, I still eat chocolate. But I only do so on days I know I’m going to be using the extra calories for a workout. And even then, only slightly before, not right before bed. Periodizing it so that it’s fuel seems to be much better for my body.
I’m not going to lie — I had a hard time loving me at 125 pounds. I felt like a failure even though I had done this amazing thing at that same weight — completed IRONMAN Oceanside. I think I struggled because I knew that it was unsustainable and that I had pushed myself to a serious brink.
The extra time spent recovering and de-loading from training helped me realized this. It helped me come to terms with the fact that I was not having fun while running. Of course I pushed through and did what needed to be done. Triathlon is not for me, at least at this time, though, and I’m glad that I can give myself that relief of having tried something new, making my decision not to pursue it, and now be free to fully return my focus back to riding bikes.
I spent about 3 hours on a cyclocross course this year, which was a slight fraction of what I spent even participating in the IRONMAN, and I smiled way more there than I ever did while running. I know that deep in my soul that this is what I love to do. I love exploring on two wheels, and I’m so grateful to be back to doing it!
So that brings us to today. Next week is my first gravel race of the year, and a nice recovery week on my training plan. That’ll feel good after jumping into some pretty solid training for the past two weeks. I’m definitely going to prioritize my recovery weeks now that I know what happens when I don’t.
I’ve been back to stretching in the evenings, even doing a little meditation here and there, which has helped with my sleep routine. And it’s helped with my hamstring injury, which is now healing up and feeling so much better. (The lifting helps with that, too!)
I know my strength will come back fast. I always say that you have to believe in the process and trust in the training.
Once again, I’m all in. I believe in myself.
I am a strong and capable athlete. I’ve gotten stronger and more experienced as the days go by. I now have a much bigger pool of knowledge and experience to pull from, and I’m so excited to see where this all takes me in 2022.
***
I can’t end this blog without mentioning the loss of my dear friend Ken.
He unexpectedly took his own life in the early hours of Jan. 1, 2022.
Ken’s been a good friend of mine as far back as I can remember. We hung out a lot in Cheyenne. He had a kind heart and a gentle soul. He wasn’t judgemental. He was always there when you needed to talk. There are few people in this world I’ve ever felt comfortable around being my true self — pure and unfiltered — and he was one of them.
When I first heard the news, my heart was crushed. I loved Ken so much. I considered him one of my greatest friends.
It has been a few days now. He is in his eternal resting place. I’m still sad. Talking about his loss isn’t easy, especially knowing the circumstances.
But Ken was always my biggest fan. One of my biggest supporters. When I first started lifting weights and getting healthy and strong, he was so stoked. He would always cheer me on. We’d talk about working out and everything. I taught him a few moves and stuff like stretches.
When I first was going for and earned my SPRINT certification, he would sometimes come workout with me at the gym. “I need to do more cardio” he would always say, haha. He once almost talked me into running my first 5K! (Turns out my ex can claim that officially, I guess. But I wish I had run it with Ken instead. Would’ve been a lot more fun.)
I’d sneak Ken into the gym every now and then. He’d let me practice my lines and make mistakes, and we’d just smile about it. It felt SO good to not have to worry about who I was, but that I could just be myself and that was enough.
Ken helped me throughout the years with so many things. More than once, he’s hauled away some of my shit, like wood from my old shed for a big ol’ bonfire out at his farm. We used to hang out and grill all the time. We didn’t even need to have anything to go and do. It was just fun enough to be in each other’s company.
I miss that feeling.
He was one of the few people who affectionately called me Jules.
To find a true love in this life is exceedingly rare.
My heart aches knowing that it is now gone forever. I’m just so sorry that I couldn’t be there for him when it all came down.
But I will continue moving forward. I know that he’d want me to stay strong, because he would always, always tell me that he was proud of me for that.
What better way to honor him than to keep doing just that.
So Ken, this is for you. This is for me and now also for you. Until we meet again — I’m going to have so many amazing stories to tell you by then.
<3 May you rest in eternal and everlasting peace.